You are standing on top of a huge cliff overlooking a beautiful scenery of the horizon, the surrounding rocks and cliffs and a beautiful lake. The view is awesome. The height is daunting especially if you have a bit of a fear of heights. There are two narratives about this moment.

Person A has always wanted to dive the cliffs into the deep beautiful lake and go for a swim. It’s been done safely with precision and intention by skilled divers. “A” has his share of fear, and reasonably so, but also has some skill and has been building up to this moment with supportive diving and swimming training for a long time. So, he believes that he is about to have an incredible moment from a safe successful dive. The last step is COURAGE to take that step.

Person B has always felt that his efforts to succeed are failing and falling short of his hopes and dreams. He has a pattern of making wrong choices out of fear and taking the easy way out which seems to lead to another failure. He has just lost another job, afraid to go home and tell his wife. He is standing on the same cliff looking at the same horizon, the same lake. He is trying to decide whether or not to take the next step, straight down, which would land him on the rocks instead of in the water.

Does “B” proceed to the next step or turn around and try one more time to succeed in his life? For him the last step is finding the courage NOT to take the step forward but to back away, go home and try again at life.

This is certainly a dramatic way to depict this, but finding courage is NOT about the thing being done itself. It is not about the step off the cliff. It is about the mindset, the intention, the direction, the reason. For one, the courage is to step forward and dive into the deep water and swim. For the other courage is to NOT step forward but to turn back and dive back into his life to find solutions. What is true for one person is not always the same as what is true or is needed for another person. Same as with finding and building one’s courage.

For both person A and B it is about finding the courage to do what is needed to overcome a fear that is holding them back in their lives.

It is a counter intuitive thing in that building courage to do what you need to succeed in life is actually about delving into one’s fears and self-doubts. It is, of course, about resolving those. How does that stack up against your skills, knowledge, purpose and passion? Then you take the next step!

As a young dancer about to step out onstage, I always felt a tinge of fear and the “butterflies” in my stomach. Would I fall, miss a turn or a leap, forget a step sequence or be off my timing. Any number of things could have clouded my brain and fear could have CAUSED those things to happen like a self-fulfilling prophesy, in spite of my technical capability out there onstage…. and it DID for a while! But I learned how to shut that off, view the next moments completed successfully and conjure up my courage instantly.

In that moment the ability to access my courage was on the surface and it served me well. However, the deeper work had yet to be done in my life to eradicate the self-doubt that was underlying the terror of many things I tried to do and backed away from. There are levels to this thing called “Courage”. It’s not one and done.

Courage is far more than a few pumped fists, some tough talk, or a lack of fear. Courage is a lifestyle, a comfort zone and a personal system of growth and self-trust! And it is also how you move through your world. It is something you can uncover and develop. It is a developed pattern of responding to life and all its ups and downs. It is how you ultimately feel about yourself and it is how you respond to adversity when there is NO ONE backing you up but yourself! Some learn it well from parents, some don’t.

Basically, don’t get into a “debate” with a skunk. Chances are, you are not going to win that one. And that’s not courage anyway. Know your odds reasonably. A woman in a domestic violence relationship with a man twice her size and strength who is out of control is not being courageous by speaking up and vocalizing her worth and her rights or putting him in his place. She is being courageous by walking away. Know your enemy and know your limitations. The time and place to push the envelope is not when the heat is on. Just some examples to make my point a little clearer.

Finding your courage and developing that characteristic is something you can do, and in my opinion, you should do. Becoming a hero in your own life is not something one is born with. It is a skill to be learned and cultivated. It is not always about some dramatic development or life emergency. It may be about finding the courage to go on a date, or find a new job, become a first-time mother, look inside to find your creative self, or learn something new.

Life takes courage. I am sure there is something in your life that you have done that was courageous. Build on that experience and use it to find courage for your next challenge or adventure!

Need a little extra help, motivation or tools to get there? Reach out. I have a LOT of experience!

Remember, you don’t start out by being fearless. You start by being brave enough to look deeper into the fear. I will leave you with this last thought, an ancient Chinese saying a mentor taught me many years ago:

“If you look into the eyes of the dragon, there you will see the truth!”