In everything in life, there is, of course, always more than one step or one quick hack to arrive at a successful result no matter what the subject matter. If success were simple, easy and one faceted more of us would achieve it early on and easily in our lives. But like the nature of human beings, the road to success is bumpy, there are twists and turns and there are multiple steps and simultaneous actions and efforts to take to arrive at the breakthroughs to our achievements.
For instance, you can work your tail off on a new fitness routine, get into the gym or the dance studio every day and then go home and “reward” yourself with a bunch of comfort food, that you know very well is not good for you and what happens? You feel crappy afterward, or you put on an extra pound instead of taking a pound off. Or you feel weaker the next day in your workout because food can and does have such an effect on the body. Or you eat right, sleep well and yet are inconsistent in your workouts and you don’t get the results you were hoping for.
Or maybe you approach it all like it is purely a physical pursuit only, and after an hour of a good workout you spend the remaining 23 hours berating yourself for not being good enough, strong enough, skinny enough, whatever enough or feeling there is just no use trying because you will never look like so and so in some magazine or your younger glory days are gone forever, so why try? Does any of this sound familiar?
Human beings are complex. We are not computers or robots. We have emotions and complex intellects. How we SEE ourselves in our minds will make or break anything we do physically to improve ourselves! So, while there are some basic formulas in life for how to do many things, and following the “best practices” methods can be the bottom line in making progress toward your goals, there is one thing that can unravel every effort, every day of hard work and discipline you started with. Your self-talk!
What we say to ourselves daily, becomes like an affirmation, a self-fulfilling prophesy, a goal your mind begins to work toward. Take your self-talk very seriously. It is the first line of attack or defense you have against or for your own goals and dreams! Your own mind can make or break you.
It doesn’t have to be fitness or diet. That was just an example. It may be your drive to become a millionaire by 30 or own a thriving business in your local town. It could be to have a happy family. If your mind is filled with self-doubt or any degree of negativity on a daily basis, then your efforts will begin to move in the direction of those fears.
We have all had moments of doubt, welcome to being human. I am speaking more of a chronic practice of disbelief or unfair limits you place on yourself. Not uncommon, especially for women. And, many people deal with it to a large extent and find themselves stuck in self-sabotage. However, there is a way out. You don’t have to remain stuck. You do have to recognize where you are and where this comes from inside you and then you have to attack it at its core.
There is absolutely NO reason why your dreams and goals, no matter what they are, cannot come true for you. It all comes down to your willingness to dig in and do the hard stuff and just as much so, to dig in and look into what is going through your mind on a daily basis. It can be hard to catch those fleeting negative thoughts sometimes, especially when they have become so deeply ingrained you barely even hear yourself think them. But you can do it. I recommend what worked best for me. The three things that have proven time and time again to stop me in my tracks when I head off in the wrong direction in my worries, fears and self-talk.
They are:
- Deep breathing.
- Meditation.
- Journaling.
Best as a three-part routine, but stand-alone practices are also beneficial. The stop and deep breath is something I use to slow myself down and allow myself to really think through the reality of the fear I just thought or voiced if I caught myself at it. Then I can take a moment and reverse it in my mind.
Meditation is a way of going deep into one’s subconscious to pull out the information needed to see where your stumbling blocks are in your thinking about yourself. And also, as an effective way to retrain yourself when you use it as a method of self-hypnosis.
Journaling is almost a meditative practice for me that allows my thoughts to flow as a stream of consciousness bypassing thinking and getting to the heart of what I want what, I fear, what I am willing to do, be, or create in my life. It flows through my pen with a freedom of being in the zone without restrictions.
Bottom line is that these things make the inner you visible to your conscious mind. You cannot change what you cannot see. So, the most important thing is to see what is causing the effect you are getting. The next thing is to begin “catching yourself in the act” of your negative inner dialogue. And third is to retrain yourself to align thoughts, words and actions with your deepest desires.
It is possible! It is a process. It takes some time and effort. But it is completely doable! Some of you may find benefit in sharing this practice with a trusted therapist as it can certainly supplement whatever work you are doing with a professional in that field. Some of you may do fine with this on your own. And some of you may find enjoyment and great support from working through it all in a group. Let me know your thoughts and preferences on this. I would love to hear your feedback!
Don’t let yourself be crushed under the pressure of your own disbeliefs in yourself or under the weight of what other people say or think about you! Who cares what anyone else thinks!! You want something in life? Take the lid off your limitations and crush those negative thoughts…. And go get it! Reach out if you want help!